Wants Vs. Needs

Bonnie presented us with the question of whether spanking is more a need or a want. My first response was "BOTH." She, however didn't offer that as a choice so I had to decide. Funny but it seems like others are saying what I felt at the time. It started out as a want but is now a need.

Hmmmm......

I think I was a bit quick in voting for it as a need.

I mean ... air... that's a need. Food? Wouldn't guess it by looking at me but that's another need. Without these essentials we would die for sure. Therefore they are needs.

As I drove to work - and it's a long drive - I couldn't get this out of my mind. I was thinking that we .... not one of us can claim spanking to be a need because we survived before and we could survive without it. We just don't WANT to have to survive without it, yes?

So it's a want.

Not a need.

But wait......

Where in the world did I ever get this idea that if it's not a matter of life or death then it's a want... and wanting is selfish.

I need food but is wanting steak over hamburger selfishness?

Where am I going?

Well let's see, I'm wondering, could it be that it doesn't have to be life and death to be a need? I need a light on in a dark room so that I can read. Will I die without it? Nope. I won't. But it's a need at the moment.

I need my computer to communicate with all of you but would I die without it? Nope.

So these spankings that I could only want and wish for all these years... were they a need? Not in the sense of life or death. No. They were merely a want.

So then why do I feel like they are a need?

Because......

I feel submissive because of them....

Sex is better because of them....

My broken marriage was healed because of them....

I've learned to respect my husband because of them....

He's learned to love me in the way I need to be loved because of them...

We are happier because of them.....

They may not be the air we breathe in our marriage but they are most certainly a form of nourishment for what we share. We've grown and thrived over the past five years since we started TTWD.

If saying I want this is selfish, then I'm selfish. But I'm right back to my original answer on Bonnie's poll. It's a need. Without it, my marriage was dying. With it, my marriage is thriving. I don't particularly care to return to that dying state. I don't want to go back... only forward. Maybe it is a matter of life and death after all.

Gosh, I hope Adam feels the same way.