Update

Good news!!

I saw my surgeon yesterday. I get to go back to work next week!!

I know, I know. I'll be whining about having to go in no time however for now, I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and into a routine.

Everything is looking good and the weight is coming off. I'll post the update Saturday morning. I'm now allowed food other than pudding, jello, etc.

We went to a favorite restaurant last night. I ordered one a la carte manicotti and ate half. The other half is in the fridge. I'll get to it sometime today. A full order is three manicotti. I got one.

And ate half.

No salad. No bread. Just half of a manicotti.

And that filled me up quite nicely.

Life is good.

And now.......

Because PK asked.......

I took Sage Vivant's Erotic Personality Quiz and discovered I'm a Bottom!

What is your Erotic Personality? Find out now.

Staying Out of Trouble

The surgeon said I would need a four to six week recovery period. I was okay with that. I went to work. I made all the arrangements to miss the first two to four weeks of the school year.

Now however, there's a problem I wasn't counting on.

I feel GREAT. I want to go to work NOW.

School starts tomorrow. I see my doctor on Wednesday. I'm hoping maybe he'll let me go next week.

Adam says that's only three weeks so probably not. I will go NUTS waiting around another week. I'm ready NOW.

Okay, before you all go giving me the "don't push it" advice, let me say this... I feel better than I felt on my very BEST day the last two or three years combined.

My back doesn't hurt. My feet don't crack when I walk. My knees are good. I'm walking straight .... and I'm walking a lot. I haven't clocked it but I am getting out there 4 or 5 times a day and the bare minimum is a trip around my block but I also have been taking longer and longer walks too.

If I could survive the work day when I felt lousy, you better believe I can survive it now!

I'm bored.

Adam is afraid I'm going to hop in the car and go to the school or get myself into some other kind of trouble. He threatened to take my keys. He threatened to have the neighbors watch my comings and goings.

Cassie?? Does any of this ring a bell?

SHORT LEASH!!!!!!!!

I can't go to the school anyhow, they would just boot me off the premises. Workers comp laws and such.... My only hope is that the doc gives me the go ahead to go back to work next week. If I know it's that close, I will be okay.

On another note, people are really - I mean REALLY - starting to notice that I've lost weight. Probably has a lot to do with the fact that because I feel better, I probably look better too. It's kind of fun to hear the comments. The best part is, I've just begun. I am looking forward to the next six months to a year. It is sure to be quite the journey.

I told Adam last night that for the first time in 3 or so years I feel there's hope and that life really is worth living.

Speaking of Adam... he tried his belt out on my hiney this morning as he was getting dressed for work. He had no good reason so I called him a meanie.

He talked about me behaving myself and not getting into trouble. I told him it would be much EASIER to NOT get into trouble if I didn't feel good. Right Sar? Cassie? I mean if a person is feeling crappy, there's not much to catch the eye. But now? I have keys. I want to GO!!! I want to meet the 100 teenagers that are all mine for the next nine months. I want to go to the store and just roam around. Something. Anything.

Maybe I need to just forget it all for today and go upstairs and start sorting through all my clothes. I'm down three sizes from when the school year ended last year so I need to make sure I have at least a few pairs of pants I can start work in NEXT week.

Hopefully.

I'm trying to behave. Really. I am.

Ticker Change

Everything is going well. Getting enough protein and calcium is a challenge at this point but it will come in time. Right now my favorite things are hot tea and sugar free Popsicles. Some food smells get to me. Others just don't phase me. In other words, I'm not hungry and I don't feel like I'm missing out.

Adam changes the dressing on my incision after I get a shower every night. It's then that I get weighed most nights and it's been exciting to watch the numbers drop. This week, I'm down 12 pounds from where I was last week. I know, I know. I won't lose at this rate forever but let me enjoy it while it's here!!

My blood sugar is running at a nice 80-90 WITHOUT the meds. And my blood pressure is about 125/72 also without meds.

Adam smacked my butt just once yesterday. I would love more but it kind of jolted my stomach so I think I better wait a bit. Heck, that poor boy would be happy with sex only right now. Soon, though.... pretty soon.

Anyhow, we have a lot to do today but I was excited to change my ticker so thought I would do that before the day gets rolling!!

Love you all!!!

Stuff

Where in the world has the time gone? My surgery was one week ago yesterday. PK left about 3:00 yesterday afternoon. I just spoke with her on the phone. She's almost safely home. I hope to hear soon that she made it all the way safely.

Her visit was just what the doctor ordered. We talked. We laughed. We walked the pup. We went for rides. Neither of us need much to excite us so we are a perfect match. Sitting quietly talking about whatever comes into our heads is the best ever. I never had a sister. I would imagine that's not half as good as having a twin!!!

I saw my primary care doc this morning. She's quite pleased with my surgery and progress this summer. I asked her what my highest recorded weight is on her records. I'm updating the ticker with this post because I want to make a few changes. First off, the highest she has me recorded at is higher than the ticker's high and by golly, I want credit for EVERY LAST pound I lose.

Okay so I would have been mortified previously for anyone to know this weight but now that it's on the decline, I really don't care.

If anyone out there has considered this surgery can I recommend a book to you? It's called "Before and After" written by Susan Maria Leach who had surgery a few years back and has lost 143 pounds. It's her journey and also tons of recipes which she follows. You can find it here.

I highly recommend that web site. She has a recipe for vanilla custard that I made yesterday. AWESOME. I get six "meals" a day now. A meal might be 3 ounces of jello, pudding, or soup. Three ounces. That's it. Measure out three ounces of something, pour it in a bowl. Take a look. That's a meal. One item. Three ounces. Six times a day.

Wanna hear something bizarre?

It's too much.

I've only been able to squeak in 5 meals a day. Incredible for me. I'm supposed to get 48-64 ounces of water a day too. I drink nonstop and the most I've done is about 35 ounces. Unreal.

So anyhow, about that ticker.

I am changing my starting weight because there's documented proof that within the past six months it's been a bit higher than what's there. I also want to change my goal to a more realistic 160. At least for now. 150 scares me. Most will tell you that I would be entirely too thin at that weight. I'm 5'7-1/2" and VERY large boned. My surgeon's office says my normal range is 147-167. Hmmm... maybe I'll split the difference and go with 157. Yep. That's what I'm going to do. I won't change my current weight until sometime Saturday, though. You all will get bored with that if I do it too often.

The pup's growling. He wants to go for a walk, I'm sure. When Adam brought me in from the doctor's office this morning we found the pup had gotten into raw spaghetti and scattered it all over the kitchen. I had planned on a walk right then but he made me mad!!! Guess it's time. Now he's whining.

Have a great week everyone!!!!

Better than Expected

I am so thankful to be doing better than I expected after this surgery. I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting but on Monday evening when they wanted me to merely dangle my feet off the edge of the bed and stand long enough for them to straighten the bedding, I thought I was going to pass out.

Tuesday morning I took my first walk. I made it half way down the hall and back to my room.

OH!!! MY ROOM!! Let me tell you about my room!!

I was on a floor that handles mainly bariatric patients and other surgical patients when extra room is needed for them. There were two surgeries scheduled for that day but the other one got canceled. When Adam and I arrived at the hospital we found out that they have two private rooms on the floor and they give those to bariatric patients on a first come, first serve basis. Not only do they have two private rooms, one is a VIP room. THAT is the room I was put in because I was the first bariatric patient there. The six who came the next day had to share rooms.

My room was gorgeous with scalloped curtains, shiny hardwood floors with marble looking trim around the edge of the floor, and very stylish wallpaper. Not only that, the staff was WONDERFUL. Many times, a nurse would pull up a chair and just chat about anything and everything. It was a great stay.

Anyhow, by the time I came home I was going CLEAR to the end of the hall (my room was on the other end) and back 4 times. I was also doing steps. And yesterday PK and I took a pretty nice walk. So all in all, it's not been as horrible of an experience as I was expecting. I'm not sure what I expected but I did not expect to feel as good as I do right now. Sure, I have to move slow especially getting up and down but it's okay.

Now about my weight at this point. I checked into the hospital weighing 248. I'd lost since I first posted that little meter here on my site but that was mostly from the whole colon cleansing routine I had endured the day before surgery. Before surgery they warned me to not be alarmed when 24 hours after surgery they weigh me the first time and I find I've gained ten to twenty pounds.

Excuse me?

OUCH!!!

Sure enough, true to their word, I found I gained 18 pounds. Yikes!!! It would have really upset me however they had warned me and explained it would be all water from the massive amount of IV fluid I would have pumped into me. By the time the IV came out on Thursday my kidneys were functioning finally (another story) and I had lost about half that weight. I got on the scales yesterday to find I am only a few pounds above my check in weight.

Today is Saturday and I've decided that Saturday each week will be the day I update the meter above so for what it's worth, I'm now only 1.5 pounds above my check in weight.

Check back each Saturday for the update as I melt away!!!

First Day Home

So PK's here. Between her and Adam I'm strictly sticking to my eating schedule. Don't worry. That's not as bad as it sounds. It's not like I am trying to eat things that I shouldn't have. I'm not tempted by food at all right now. Well, wait. I saw oreo is making cake cookies. If and when I reach my weight goal I will let myself try one of those just because they look awesome. But seriously the eating problem I'm having is keeping up and eating everything I'm supposed to.

I'm given a half hour to eat three ounces of something or a whole hour to drink 4 ounces of water. Occasionally I get half an hour to "rest" where I don't do anything however it seems to me as though that half hour goes by way to quickly or I'm playing catch up. It's just not easy to keep up on this schedule.

Today - my first day home - I've had sugar free jello, a little bit of crystal light peach tea, some beef broth (gag) and a lot of water. In a little bit I'm going to have a hot cup of decaf tea with sweetener in it for supper.

I'm looking forward to my evening snack though. I get a sugar free Popsicle!!!!!! I know that doesn't sound like much BUT I'm looking forward to it like a little kid. In fact, I'm looking forward to it so much that PK has been using it as leverage. She's threatened to dangle it over my head in order to get me to do other things I don't want to do...... like eat more gross broth for supper. We all negotiated and decided I get tea instead. So while Adam and PK eat chicken, coleslaw, bread and pie, I'll be doing a cup of tea. Don't feel sorry for me though. The tea sounds good. The other sounds like torture.

Gosh, it's going to be nice to be thin.

The two of them are a team when it comes to changing my dressing. I have an 8 or so inch incision and 4 smaller wounds from the drains which need cleaned and covered. Things were going well until Adam held his hand out to PK and said "scalpel." PK said "No, we've done that, we're gluing her back together."

Ouch. It hurts to laugh.

And poor PK. Bad enough being exposed to my bare belly, she's had a few shots of my bare boobs too. I commented on that and she says "yeah, I have two of those too." Nothing's phasing her and she seems to like my pup so for sure, she can stay as long as she wants. Liking the pup is a prerequisite to staying here. She passes with flying colors.

All in all she and Adam are making a great team. I try to comply for the most part but broth is nasty stuff. I really can't wait till tomorrow when I advance from a CLEAR liquid diet to a FULL liquid diet which means I get to add sugarfree pudding, strained creamed soups, thin oatmeal, thin mashed potatoes, and cottage cheese. Yum.

Quick Post

As much as I would love to answer emails and comments individually, I simply can't at this time. Tomorrow they will make sure there are no leaks in my system and then they will feed me a few liquid items - broth, jello, etc. If all is well,I will be sent home. In the meantime I want you to now I've read all comments, emails, and e-cards and appreciate every word of support and encouragement you've written.

Today they took my cath out. I still have needles in both hands and two drain tubes in my abdomen. Assuming all goes well tomorrow I'm looking forward to all that being removed. Oh and they finally removed my oxygen tonight. So anyhow thank you for all support and encouragement.

Thanks Everyone

PK here! The surgery is over and Eva is back in her room. To get all the details I have click here!

Now you will see why I have been so supportive of the surgery, it has all been a blatant attempt to steal her readership!

Before I head to bed tonight I just wanted to take a quick minute to thank you all for your warm wishes, comments, emails, and support. I love you all!!!

We have to leave the house at 5:30 so we're headed to bed kind of early. I'm hoping to get a few good hours of sleep. It's been a long day so that shouldn't be a problem.

I'll be back sometime before this time next week.

In the meantime, PK, keep them all posted here...

Upcoming Surgery

There's a lot going on.

First off, take a minute and notice the above Ticker. Yes, I know. I'm disclosing my weight which is very hard to do however, I wanted to find a way to share my progress with you. My starting weight is what I weighed on May 11 of this year. I've managed to lose 35 pounds by making a few dietary changes. I cut out diet pop and all white carbs... bread, rice, potatoes, pasta.

Anyhow, I will be updating the ticker once a week so stay tuned and watch me melt!!!!

My back no longer hurts. People are coming right out and asking why- if my back isn't hurting and I've lost that much weight - am I still going through with the surgery.

Easy.

There's a number of reasons.

I need the permanence that the surgery will provide. I want/need that continual reminder nagging at me to watch what I eat and more importantly HOW MUCH I eat.

My weight has gone up and down my whole life. Mostly it's been up. When it has come down it's never stayed down for long and I'm tired of being a yo yo. I know. This surgery will NOT stop that but it will help ME to stop it.

Adam and I talked about it. We're celebrating our 26th anniversary in a couple weeks. We know each other well and we both agree that if I do not follow through with the surgery now, I will only gain the weight back and then some.... and be kicking myself for not having followed through.

Another thing..... HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOO.... I still have over 100 pounds to lose. That's a lot. I need HELP. I do not have it in me to stay the course without the aid of this procedure.

So that's pretty much why I'm still going through with it.

I've been having some trouble sleeping. Adam said I even talked in my sleep the other night. I NEVER talk in my sleep. He said he and the pup both sat up and looked at me. He couldn't understand what I was saying though. I told him I wasn't surprised. I dreamed I was at work. A coworker and I were looking in this big mirror and he's saying "I'm telling you, there are ghosts living in that mirror. Look harder." And then these white love seats came into view inside the mirror but I couldn't see the ghosts.

Damn Harry Potter.

Yes, I got the books. I'm only on the first one but I know it is why I had that dream.

Offspring #1 is home. She lives about 2 hours west of the Mississippi. She flew in. Picked her up at the airport late last night. She's here till next Wednesday. I feel bad that she took the time off work to come home for my surgery. I didn't ask her to. She wanted to. On the way home from the airport I told her all that. She said, "shut up." So I did. It wasn't in a mean way or anything. It was in a "mom, I love you" way.

I found a blender which crushes ice and is a food processor too. I'm in my glory. It crushes ice to the consistency of a smoothie that you can only buy at the mall. How cool is that? Protein smoothies!! I had one this morning. Awesome!!! And the pitcher part of the blender, is big, fat and made of glass. Very sturdy, durable. I like it a lot.

Sunday is a big day. Clear liquids, dulcolax, and enemas for me. Yeeee hawwwww. I can hardly contain the excitement!!! Then on Monday we have to be at the hospital by 7:30 a.m. and my surgery is scheduled for 10:30. I don't think I'll be back on before that since I want to spend time with my family these next few days and there's a lot to do. So you all take care!! And keep checking back.

I'll have PK bust in here and post updates next week, if she wouldn't mind and I will update myself ASAP. I'm due home from the hospital one week from today if all goes well. All warm, fuzzy, good thoughts and prayers are appreciated!! I love you all!!!

PAP Results and Barney Fife

I told Adam that 2 1/2 years of Zoloft is a good thing.

Used to be that I would appear angry in most circumstances. Well the truth is, I probably was torqued about something most of the time. Now though I can walk into places - such as my gynos office - and jokingly say "I'm here to be one of THOSE annoying pain in the butt patients."

The receptionist is a woman I've known since I was about 8 years old. She asked what was going on. I explained to her that the surgeon has yet to receive the documents needed, blah, blah, and blah.

She told me to wait, that she's pretty sure she had seen that on the docs desk very recently. She was gone a while. When she returned she had my file in her hand and showed me PROOF that 2 days earlier they had faxed multiple pages.

Hmmmmm......

She then recommended that I call the surgeon and have them double check and if they STILL didn't have it, they would need to call and request it again.

I did that.

They didn't have them. I gave them the number to call. Told them who to ask for. Also told them this was really stressing me out and asked for a phone call pretty please letting me know if/when they got them.

Ten minutes later, as I'm walking through the grocery store, my phone rings.

And all is well.

I went home, put groceries away, showered, and headed back out to get Adam. We drove to the hospital where surgery is to be held for my pre-surgical testing.

It was pretty routine.

The gave me the details as to what time to be at the hospital, etc. I met the anesthesiologist. I had blood drawn. I had an EKG. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, and on the day of my surgery they will do a pregnancy test. If I'm pregnant, the surgery is off. ROFL

Yeah, whatever.

Adam and I stopped for a quick lunch because it was almost 3:00 and I'd had to do the fast thing for the testing and I barely had any water and nothing to eat all day. And like your area probably is, ours too is hot and humid.

I returned him to work and headed home.

It was then that I started to realize that finally ALL hoops had been jumped through. This is really going to happen. Nothing can stop me now.

Ummmmm.......

Well..........

Did you read the comments from yesterday's post? PK said something about the long arm of the law being after me??

Yeah well.....

I get home and there's a letter to me from our county sheriff. Can you guess what that's about?

JURY DUTY!!!

Geeze. I have NEVER been summoned for that. I honestly wouldn't mind doing it and think it would really be interesting but here's the deal: Exactly one week after surgery I am to appear at the courthouse every ... EVERY ... morning at 8:30. Until I'm selected for a jury or discharged.

A close friend of mine did this a couple years ago. She went every morning and often sat there till noon when finally given a lunch break. Then she'd be sent home at a later time. Finally after a couple weeks of that, she spent a couple more weeks actually sitting on a jury.

For one thing, I won't be allowed to drive. For another, do you know what the diet is like in the beginning after this surgey? It's constant eating and sipping small amounts not sitting waiting for hours to be let go to the greasy spoon diner across the street from the courthouse.

Can they make me postpone my surgery?

My surgeon's office said if that happens, they can't get me in until NOVEMBER!!!

Ummm... I don't think so, Barney Fife.

In all fairness, the letter said that if I am unable to serve that I must write a letter explaining why and if it's medical I must have a Doctor's excuse.

That has already been faxed to Adam at work. He'll bring it home tonight. (I'm writing this friday night)

The letter is written. It's very polite. I had PK proof it for me so I'm sure she'll have some comment about that.

I will mail it tomorrow which is today ... Saturday. I will mail it Saturday.

They say that I will receive a letter from them as to whether or not I can be excused. I'm trusting that it won't be a problem but you just never know. And if that's the case, not showing up for this is contempt of court naturally.

I could be fined AND jailed.

Get that bail money ready, folks.

Juror #21 is having surgery. In 10 days. Not three months. Ten days.

I Hate to Have to Get Mean

Last night we went for the required pre-surgical psychiatric workshop. It was very good. Lots of laughing and excitement. At the same time we were made aware of many issues which might come up, changes that might take place, etc.

I'm confident that Adam and I can handle whatever comes our way. See, much of what she talked about we've already been through so we've already discussed it. Also, our marriage is a whole different animal than what it was back then so again, I'm confident that we will handle whatever comes our way without much conflict.

It's hard to imagine that weight loss can cause problems but there's all sorts of issues. They were all covered well last night. And yup, I'm confident that Adam and I will handle whatever of these issues might arise.

I don't even want to go into the details of all that.

This post is about a statement I read there last night. Before I tell it to you though, let me refresh your memory. Remember my sister in law? The one who was the subject of my rant a few days ago when she said that I was taking the easy way out?

With that in mind, read this awesome statement:

Weight loss and weight maintenance is like digging a hole in your yard. You can dig the hole with your hands or you can dig the hole with a shovel. Either way, you still have to do the work. Using a tool makes the work manageable. Expecting weight loss surgery to do the work for you is unrealistic. It would be like expecting the shovel to get up and dig the hole for you.

Isn't that cool?

There's no easy way out of anything in life; only tools to help us manage the load.

Oh, I haven't got to the reason for the title of this post. I learned something last night that down right pissed me off. I had my PAP on June 6th. There were issues. They've been dealt with. I saw my gyno last Thursday. I asked her if I was good to go for surgery and she said yes. I then asked if she would send some things to my surgeon: A) a copy of the PAP results AND B) a statement saying it's okay to proceed.

She readily agreed.

On Monday, the surgeon's office called asking about those results. I explained that they were on the way. The surgeon's office decided just to be safe, they would call themselves and make sure things were being sent. See, without those two things my surgeon will cancel my surgery next Monday. So anyhow last night when we went to the work shop AGAIN they tell me they do not have those results.

So if you need me this morning, I'll be camped out in the gyno's office until they either A) provide me with proof that they just this very minute faxed it all or B) Give the stuff to me and I will hand deliver it to my surgeon.

They have till about 11 then things will get ugly because Adam and I have to go to my presurgical appointment at the hospital which is doing my surgery. And btw, in case any of you are wondering... Adam has a wonderful job with a terrific boss. He can take time off whenever he needs it without it affecting his pay. They know he'll put the time in elsewhere so it's never an issue. We are lucky. At the last job Adam had he was poorly paid as it was and would have been docked to make all these appts. with me. We wouldn't have been able to do it.

I'm really thankful for him and his job.

A World Gone Mad

Honestly. Doesn't it often feel as though the whole world's gone nuts?

The first thing I always do is check for a full moon. When school is in, no one has to tell a teacher when it's time for a full moon. We know.

That whole bridge story in Minneapolis just breaks my heart. And scares me to death. Ask PK. I have told her about the little bridge that spans a lake that I must drive over each day to and from work. My greatest fear is going into that water and being trapped in my car. I can't imagine the horror those who have perished in this horrendous accident endured in their final moments. I hope God took them quickly so that their fears and terror could end.

And how about Andrea Roberts? She's the woman in Flower Mound, Texas who shot and killed her husband, two children, and then herself. Why?

Why?

They are looking into the possibility of a medical condition in the family. Something had to be overwhelming for her to do this. I have a theory of my own.

Adam and I came out of a very legalistic church about six years ago. We'd been born and raised in it and without naming it, without going into details just believe me when I say that it was horrible. At any rate, many stories like this often go back to that very religion. I swear. I'm not making that up. There have been other situations similar to this and my first response is always I bet they were from the old church.

Often, I've been correct.

You'd have to fully understand this church to know what I'm talking about. It's very demeaning to women. Heck it's demeaning to anyone who doesn't walk the right walk. Having spent 38 years in this church, I know and understand how and why some people have cracked and done the things they have done.

Of course that doesn't make it right. We're all responsible for our own actions. Or are we? Is it possible to be brainwashed and driven to a point where there's no way out?

One woman murdered her husband a while back. Everyone said "why didn't she just leave him? Divorce him?" Adam is always quick to say "that's not an option in this church. Murder became the only way for her to get out." Sad. So very sad.

So I wonder, is Andrea Roberts another similar situation? I'll be watching to see if they were church goers. And if they were... how much do you want to bet that I know her story all too well?

I'm thankful to God that we are out of that mess. And it was a mess.

On a lighter note.....

We were sitting at the kitchen table the other day when Adam says "When you lose your weight, the girls are going to get smaller, huh?"

I said, "They are always the first thing that shrinks."

He then looked straight at my chest and said "Hang in there girls. Don't give up. You FIGHT!!"

You would have thought he was talking to a loved one on their death bed.

Protein update:

I've been experimenting with protein. It was overwhelming at first because if I go into a vitamin store I have to know exactly what I'm looking for. The protein drinks that body builders use are not quite right for me. I was confused.

Then someone told me about a website that is strictly for gastric bypass patients. I went there and was able to pick out appropriate protein because it's ALL appropriate for me. I got a sample pack of about 20 different kinds. I've found quite a few that I like so life is good. No more barn floor for me.

When it comes to protein there's two avenues to choose from. You can go down the path of milky shakes or you can go down the path of Crystal Light. There's a brand called "Worldwide Pure Protein" that makes a canned ready to drink (RTD) that is very good. I ordered 3 - 12 packs but seriously the shipping was ridiculous so I'm on a search for somewhere local that carries it.

I didn't mind paying it this once but don't want to again. I got three flavors: Chocolate, Cookies and Cream, and Banana Cream.

On the Crystal light avenue there's a brand called Nectar. It comes in some wonderful flavors... Caribbean cooler, iced tea, apple, fuzzy navel, Kiwi strawberry, etc. They are good on their own but even better if you mix in some crystal light.

So things are good on the protein front. My biggest fear however is that after surgery I just won't be able to down as much of it as I'm expected to on top of eating what I'm supposed to AND don't forget that 48-64 ounces of water that are an absolute must!!

Things are coming along though. Tonight is another pre-surgery hoop. We are going to a psychiatric workshop. I'm looking forward to it. I'm not sure what all it will cover but I know that I need to go. See, this whole thing is far more emotional than what I bargained for. AND I've been hearing a lot about relationships changing. I don't want anything to change between me and Adam. I've been there before.

12 years ago my weight was down to only 30 pounds overweight. I was starting to take pride in how I looked. I had more energy. I wanted to do more with friends. I felt GREAT. It seemed though that the better I felt, the more nervous Adam would get. We were also still in that crappy old church so I keep telling myself it was more so THAT than him. And I do believe it was but I think this will be good for both of us to go to tonight. He's been with me every step, every appointment. I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel safe when he's with me and now that I think about it, it's probably good that he's so involved. That was part of the problem back then too. It didn't really involve him. This does.

And tomorrow I have to go for my pre-surgical testing at the hospital where my surgery will take place.

AND THAT is the FINAL hoop before surgery.

Whew.