I Love Memes

I've been tagged by Lori so here we go...........

1. What is your occupation?

Part time referee and part time babysitter.

2. What color are your socks right now?

Look, it's like this: I'm in PJ pants and a sweat shirt all stretched out on the couch with the laptop watching American Idol. No socks unless the dog lying (or should that be laying?) across my feet counts.

3. What are you listening to right now?

Simon whining on American Idol. Gosh, he's a hoot.

4. Last thing you ate?

No sugar added vanilla ice cream

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

LOL Ummmmmm... that's a NO

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

What kind of corny question is that? I have no idea.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

PK

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

Absolutely. I love her!

9. How old are you?

40 something. Oh, okay.... I'm 44.

10. Favorite drink?

Used to be diet Pepsi, but since I'm not allowed that anymore I will go with decaf coffee.

11. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Did someone say "baseball season starts in another month?"

12. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Yes because I'm too young for the grandma gray hair thing.

13. Pets?

Two cats and a great little doggie.

14. Favorite food?

Here again, I'm limited these days. Not only that, it changes every week or two. This week, it's what my daughter calls "the kitchen sink salad."

15. What was the last movie you watched?

Hairspray. Oh wow.. John Travolta was AWESOME in it. Very cute movie.

16. What was the last book you read?

Okay, I'm thoroughly ashamed but it's been so long since I've read a book I can't even remember. I did buy the entire Harry Potter series last summer and I fully intend to read them this summer.

17. What do you do to vent anger?

I used to rant and rave but Zoloft cured me of that. Now I just don't get mad.

18. What was your favorite toy as a child?

My brother's mini bike for one. My red, white, and blue basketball that my father bought for me shortly before he died for another.

19. What is your favorite season?

Winter. Yeah. Right. Actually I would LOVE winter if I could hibernate and not ever leave the house. I love sitting inside with hot chocolate or coffee while watching it snow.

20. Hugs or kisses?

Okay, okay. Do I really have to pick? Unfortunately for Adam I'm just not an affectionate sort of person. If I had to make a choice I think I'd go for hugs.

21. Cherries, Blueberries or Strawberries?

All three. I love fruit.

As for tagging someone, you know me... I tag EVERYONE.

I Hate to Steal But......

Last night I did something I haven't done in a long time.

I checked my keywords. Now I'm not one to steal. And I'm especially not one to steal from the Queen of Spanking however, after checking these keywords I just have to share with you. I can only hope Bonnie forgives me for stealing her idea.

So here we go.....

spanking times jeans - Hmmmm... let's see... Spanking times jeans equals sore ass squared??

she is my twin - PK? Is that you?

spanking my self with the belt - and the crop and the hairbrush and the backscratcher and the flogger and and and....

when my husband spanks me - Why does this sound like the beginnings to a good Fantasy Friday story or maybe a nice love ballad??

the sleaman's - I don't know them personally but I'm sure they are lovely people.Are they spankos?

ouch, that hurt. you're lucky it wasn't hard... this i mean, not my dick - And this led you to me? Figures.

spanked crop - Bad crop!! I'd rather have a spanked Eva.

I'm not near as funny or talented as Bonnie in this area so thank you for humoring me and reading a lot!!!

In other news - The ticker is stuck but that's okay because it should be about time to take a 3 or 4 pound drop. I'm hoping to change it this weekend even if it's only a pound. And it's okay. I don't even care. As long as I'm not gaining, life is fantastic!! People don't recognize me. That's a hoot to watch the expression change when they realize it's me. I guess the change in me has been quite noticeable. And that's a very good thing.

Although the change in my appearance is wonderful, it's not half as wonderful as how I feel. This morning I shoveled about 75 feet of sidewalk. The snow was about six inches deep. Wet. Heavy. Then I cleaned it off my car. I wasn't even breathing heavy when I was done. This time last year, I would have been in tears after about 10 feet of sidewalk. I honestly could NOT do it then. Energy is a wonderful thing!!!

Spring's coming!!!! Even though it's snowing like crazy in my neck of the woods and all the schools are closed there is a feeling of spring in the air. The birds were singing as I shoveled. How cool is that? It was like they were entertaining me or keeping me company. That was a good feeling. There's light at the end of the tunnel and I can't wait. I'm looking forward to warmer weather as a skinny person. Oh, wait. I don't have any summer clothes. Looks like I'll be doing more shopping.!!

That's about it. I think I'll go roam around blogland and see what the rest of you are up to. I hope someone out there is getting spanked. I'm up for a little vicarious living today.

Advice for Nancy

Many of you know Nancy from SNN's Spanko Diary. Recently she posted this in my comments and I've been thinking.....

Eva,

I know people treat me differently because of my size. I was just wondering if you have figured out why that is? I'm still at the 290 range (or close to 300 to be honest) and in the 3X sizes. I hate this but I don't wanna give up food.

Any advise?

Nancy

I don't know why people treat us differently when we're overweight but I can guess. I used to think they felt us "fat chicks" weren't worth their time because we are - after all - fat and lazy.

I felt like a freak show when I was heavy. I always felt like people were staring and thinking the worst about me as a person because:

Fat = Lazy = Unworthy = a waste of time.

Okay so we know that's not necessarily true, but ask any overweight person if they feel this way ever. We know that they do. I sure did and still do at times because the mind is not yet caught up to the body.

But advice for Nancy? If I had it to do over again when I was overweight, I'd quit acting fat, ashamed, and unworthy and maybe people would treat me as such. I mean I have admitted from the get-go that it might not be them, that it is quite possibly "me."

I walked around with my head hung low always hoping I wouldn't be noticed, always feeling like a freak show. I guess that's part of the reason I love my twin so much. When she met me and saw how horrible I looked she didn't treat me any differently than she had all along. And now that I'm losing weight, she still treats me the same. She has always seen past the fat, the thin, the thick, and the failures to the person I am within - with or without the fat.

Hold your head up and act thin!!! People will treat us how we invite them to with our body language. I am honestly seeing that more now than before but at the same time, I have a story for you.

Last month I went to my support group meeting. There was a lady there who is double me in size... what I was, I mean. She was LARGE. Very large. I made a point of sitting beside her even though my instincts told me "ewe, fat, lazy, scummy." I refused to bow to the feelings that enter me by the vibes people send off about themselves. I mean I have a friend who is just as large as this woman and no one, I mean not one single person sees her as fat once they get to know her. She holds her head up and oozes confidence from her pores.

Anyhow, as I sat by this woman, no matter what she said or did I treated her like she was acting thin. By the end of the night I'd made a friend. Tonight is support group again and I'm hoping that she's there. And I'm hoping that she's gotten a surgery date. She hadn't gotten one the last time I saw her.

As for Nancy commenting on not wanting to give up food... I just want to say this because I felt that way too at one time and I'm sure there are others who want to be thin but feel the same way.

Listen.

It's an adjustment BUT you do adjust. What used to feel like deprivation and starvation now feels like a thanksgiving feast. I mean think of it this way... have you ever been to a picnic where the young men load up 3 plates as high as they can and you think "Good golly, I could NEVER eat that much."

It's a LOT of food, yes? But why do those guys do that? Because to them (and their metabolism) It's NOT a lot of food.

Now I look at the NORMAL person and feel that same way. What is normal in our society is now a ridiculous LARGE mess of food to me. I now grab a small plate and get a dab or a spoonful of a few items I'd like to try. That's NORMAL. Have I given up food? Heck no. Listen to what I've eaten today....

1 blackraspberry ice cream bar
Oatmeal
Potato Salad
Soup
Chex mix
3 cups of coffee

The ice cream bar is no sugar added (blue bunny brand and they are awesome). I only had about 1/4 cup cooked oatmeal with sugar free maple syrup. I had maybe 2 tablespoons of potato salad. The chex mix? A half cup. The soup? I ate the whole can... in two sittings. I squeeze coffee in between meals. The soup was a lot but it was GOOD. Barley Vegetable. Progresso. You know .. the kind that is 0 (zero) weight watcher's points?

My point? I feel like a stuffed hog on that amount of food. I don't feel like I'm giving up food. Did I in the beginning? Yes, but now that I can eat what I want pretty much I don't feel deprived or starved at all. And shhhhhh... don't tell Adam.. he has to work late so I'm having some pizza for supper. That man takes food right out of my mouth if he thinks I shouldn't eat it.

Was it worth it? Yes.. YES... YES.

I'm rambling but I just wanted to share with you all.. especially those of you - and I know you're out there reading - who come here because you're thinking about this surgery for yourself... gastric bypass is an emotional adjustment but you DO adjust quite happily. Honest.

Now, if someone could just adjust my libido.

Fantasy Friday and a Pissed Kitty

Some of you may remember the very first time I wrote a story for Fantasy Friday and submitted it to our good friend Tiggr. If you would like a memory refresher go here.

The best part about that whole fantasy was not that I'd written it. Sure, that was fun. I do enjoy writing. And the best part wasn't that Tiggr had actually published it on her blog. Although that was really fun to get up that Friday and see that she had actually put MY story up for Fantasy Friday.


As fun as all that was, the best fun was the fun I had later that Friday with PK. She read it and then wanted to know what I thought. Yup, she was pumping me for information. I was NOT about to cave in so I told her that surely Grace had written it. After all, it had been Grace who couldn't wait to get the kids back in school. In all honesty I wrote it to make people think it had been Grace and it worked. Grace got the most votes while I had the least.


But then come Monday I had an interesting exchange of emails with Elis who from that day forward became known as PK which stands for Pissed Kitty. You gotta go see this post. Just don't forget to come back!!!


I'd be lying if I said all that wasn't fun. It was a blast!!!


And guess what? I've done it AGAIN!! Only I think it's even better this time!!


A while back, as we know, PK took over Fantasy Friday. Tiggr had decided to stop blogging and PK just couldn't stand to see this wonderful idea die off so she revived it - with Tiggr's blessing.


Since then she's occasionally asked me to write a story. Honestly, I have wanted to but the spirit just wasn't moving me to write ... until Monday, February 11th. I got one of those wonderful snow days that some of you can only dream of and found myself home for the day so I wrote. I was fairly pleased with the outcome and I knew that PK - having just issued a plea for more stories - would be dying to get her cute little kitty paws on it.


I - however - had to have just a little fun of my own with it so I sent this email to Grace:


Wanna have some fun with PK??


here's what I have in mind.....


She's been on me to write a FF for her ever since she took it over.. well the spirit finally moved me today (home for a snow day) and I've written one... BUT I wanna turn the tables on her so how about this... you submit it... tell her you want the possible authors to be Grace, Eva, PK, and C.C And then after she publishes it and reveals you on a Monday as the author, I'll post something about a Pissed Kitty or something fun.....


What do you think? I'll send it if you agree then you can submit it to her....


hehehehehehehe....


this could REALLY be fun!!!


And Grace replied:

YES, YES and YES! Oh, how fun! Lets do it! Send it!


So there you have it... Grace did NOT write "The Salvage."


I did.


How pissed do you think our kitty's gonna be?

I think she's gonna transform from a PK (pissed kitty) to a PT (pissed tiger) especially after she remembers this email conversation she and I had on Wednesday:

Eva: Who wrote the one you've got for this week??

PK: It was you or me or C.C or Grace

Eva: Well it wasn't me.. must have been you. You writing your own stuff again?

PK: Can't seem to get anyone else to!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eva: That's sad. I will try ... honest I will... I just need some ideas... You gonna let me read it? If someone else sends you something you gonna post theirs or yours?

PK: I didn't say it was me it could be any of the 4 of us. Well maybe not you.

Eva: Oh. I guess i assumed... so it's C.C or Grace? hmmm... I haven't even read it and my guess is still YOU!!!!

PK: Then wait until you read it and see if you think I am that good a writer or not. And MAYBE it's you!! Have you ever emailed in your sleep?

Eva: You are a good writer. And i don't think I have ever emailed in my sleep but you never know... want me to check my sent mail? LOL Better yet, what the heck, give me the credit for it then I won't have to finish this one I just started for you.

PK: You just keep working.

Eva: I'm stuck. I think I'm gonna go take a nap.

PK: Take the Hitachi with you!!

Eva: Dang, are you THAT desperate?


And later that evening.........


Eva: I trashed my FF idea... it wasn't working..... I give up.. I just don't have it in me.

PK: Have you ever tried a F/F story? You may get some experience when I come up there and beat your butt if you won't send me a story!

Eva: Violence won't get you anywhere... then again... when are you coming?

PK: If I thought it would help...

Eva: LOL I'll keep working at it, okay?

~~~~~)))))ooo000OOO000ooo((((((~~~~~~

And just tonight... sunday... the night before my twin is about to reveal Grace as the author, I got this from her.. can you believe PK would say this to me????

She said... are you ready?

Are you sitting down?

Are you ready to laugh and spew diet pepsi on the screen??

Okay... she said.....

I have been doing this for five months now. You shot out two papers a week on the total bull crap they wanted you to write about and you can't come up with one Fantasy Friday? Something is wrong with that!

ROFLMAO

Gosh Twin, that was fun. Do you still love me? And hey, everyone.... Write her a story already will ya? Email it to elisspeaks@yahoo.com. It really is a lot of fun to let your mind wander. Listen to me a minute... PK thinks I'm working on one. I'm not cuz I just wrote The Salvage. She needs something for next week!! Get on it!!! She's the best friend I've got in this world after Adam, of course, but sometimes her nagging at me to write her a story gets on my nerves. I need your help.

Okay, so she doesn't REALLY get on my nerves. Never has and I don't think she ever could unless she tried really hard. But please? Write her a story, okay?

Blah

The ticker didn't move this week but I figured it wouldn't after having a couple good weeks of loss. It's okay. Honest.

Life's blah. It's still winter.

We did have a nice time behind closed doors this morning and that's all I'm saying about that.

Okay so it's not all I'm saying about that.

We got out my favorite... the hitachi for those of you who don't know that.

It was nice. Relaxed.

Not much else new here.

The kids are great.

Adam's great.

The pup is great.

Work is great.

I feel great.

I hope your life is great too!!!

Sorry this post is so boring.

Why don't you leave a comment and tell me what's exciting in your life. That way it will be a bit brighter around here for the readers who pop in.

I love you all!!

Wanna See Pictures of Eva?

Warning: If you are sick and tired of coming here hoping to read about something related to spanking but then getting weight loss stuff instead, you might want to skip this post. It's okay. I understand.


I'm not sure if there's a line between bragging and just stating information but DANG... I have lost 127 pounds or so at this point. That's a LOT of weight!!! That's a fairly normal sized woman. Try carrying that around all day!! No wonder my back, feet, knees all hurt like heck!!!


My life has never been better. I shoveled snow this morning. I did our entire sidewalk, the walk from our porch to the sidewalk and then started on the driveway. Adam felt guilty I think because he asked to take over three times before I let him. I only let him because I didn't want him feeling like I was intruding on his territory. I mean I wasn't even breathing heavy. I could have shoveled all day. How totally AWESOME is that?


Changes. There have been so many changes.


Before surgery we went to a psychological workshop which was required by my surgeon. It was interesting and funny.


Two stories I remember from that night:


1) The woman presenting to us that night said a few years ago a man came into the office. He was signing in for an appointment with the surgeon. Wanting to make conversation and make this morbidly obese man feel comfortable and at ease she asked, "So, what's your goal?" Expecting to hear a number she got an earfull when the man said "Well, I'll tell ya what.. I haven't seen my dick in 15 years."


Nice goal.


2) A woman who had been morbidly obese her entire life had trouble coping after losing weight. Turns out she was one hot looking babe but who knew with all that extra weight hanging around. Literally. One day she was walking down a city street when a construction worker wolf-whistled at her. In her mind she heard "Hello there, young lady. You are quite attractive. I'd like to get to know you better." She turned around and went back to the man who held up his hands saying "hey, lady, I didn't mean anything by it.. I'm happily married." The woman left in tears and
humiliation.

I so relate to things Jess said in my comments yesterday. Who am I? What do I do now and where do I go from here? When people quit commenting on how good I look will that mean I don't look good any longer? Am I really attractive to Adam? Does he not see the saggy arms? The drooping gut? The flat boobs that have to be rolled up now? The wrinkled butt?


The man has to be blind, pretending to not see, or he honestly doesn't see. How could he not see? It ain't pretty.


People do respond differently to me now. One day as I stood in a hallway at work talking with three men and laughing I couldn't help but think "this wouldn't have happened a year ago." But I'm not so sure it's them. I do have a bit more confidence and less shame these days. Maybe it's me. I'm fully aware of that possibility.


Don't get me wrong... I'm THRILLED but everything is different. I dress differently now. I talk differently. I think differently.


BUT I'M STILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


How can I be so different but at the same time be so very much the same?


Wanna see some pictures? Now I can't show you my face but I can show you the rest of me....


Here's me at around 290 pounds.....And if you look really close you'll see PK's elbow to the right side of the picture. This one was taken at our first meeting in June. The clothes are size 3X.... I think the capris were a size 24 or 26.




This next picture was taken in October. I had lost nearly 40 pounds prior to surgery, 40 pounds since, and was weighing about 215 then. The shirt is an XL and the jeans were a 16.


And this last picture was taken at about 4 months after my surgery. The jeans are a 12. I'm now in a 10 but they are getting a bit big. I'm buying a pair of 8's this weekend. In this picture I was weighing somewhere around 185. Now I'm weighing about 165 and like I said, those size 8 jeans are coming soon.

It's been quite the journey and I'm so excited that you all have come on it with me. I know it's not over yet, that - really - it's only beginning. It's just that it's been some mighty rapid changes. I so appreciate Jess' explanation in yesterday's comments. Things are wonderful and getting better every day!!!

Trying

I can't explain it.

We're just not connecting.

We're trying. Honest, we are. It's just not happening. And what's weird is how badly we both want it to happen.

We tried this past weekend. The zebra bra and panties didn't do it on Saturday so on Sunday I broke out the big guns. I figured if the zebra fit, then more than likely the leopard gear would also fit.

Sure enough it did.

Adam took one look at me in it and said "that will work because leopards are more ferocious than zebras."

We tried. A little spanking. A little sex. It just didn't have that zing, zip, wow factor.

What's wrong with me? Will it ever come back? I wanna hear from you other RNY patients. I know you're out there reading. Comment. Email. Tell me when it comes back. I'm at six months and almost to my goal. I miss the fun we had. This is really getting to be an all consuming problem in my mind. Who else besides you all can I turn to?

Hush, Twin. I'm not talking to my doctor about this!!!

I keep thinking it will all come back on its own.

Does it? Will it? Can it? Maybe we're just getting old. No wait. I'm only 44. That's not old!!!

Sigh.

Help!!

The Belt

Grace has been asking for a post about the belt.

I'm not an expert on it because it's not our implement of choice, It is however quite erotic if you ask me.

There is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING like the sound of his belt swishing through the belt loops whether it's to be used on me or if he's simply removing it to change clothes.

Either way that sound sends a rush through my body that lands right smack (no pun intended) between my legs.

Mmmmmmmm....

mmmmmmm

mmmm

And there's another sound that sends my senses into overdrive.

Sometimes Adam will take his belt and fold it in half and then snap it. You know what I mean, yes?

It's a loud crack that can sometimes sound like a whip... or a gun... or something. That snap is almost as good as the swoosh of it coming through the belt loops.

Best yet though is that feel of it landing on my back side. I can't explain it but it brings on submissive sensations that I love feeling. So many of our implements feel like sexual toys, you know?

But the belt? It does something to me. I wish I could explain. If you know what I'm talking about and can explain it, leave a comment!! Maybe you can say it better than I can. I'm not very good with words.

Shifting gears.....

I found a bra and panties set in my drawer today. It's been there for a long, long long time... years, even.

It fits.

Finally.

It's got a zebra print on it.

Adam's excited.

Yes, I have worn it most of the day today and Adam knows it.

He's been making promises.
I wonder if he'll follow through?

I need to go now. The ticker hasn't been updated yet this week.

Time to Spare

I slept in an extra hour and ten minutes this morning.

That was very nice and very needed.

I have a quick appointment this morning to have blood drawn. I see my surgeon in two weeks for my six month check up. So in the meantime I have about a half hour to kill.

Figured it was time I post something.

Problem is there's nothing exciting to tell.

We've been busy.

And tired.

As a result there's been no spankings. No sex. No ginger.

Oh, wait.

We've never done ginger.

You know what I mean.

Life's been dull but very busy.

Oh, here's some news..........

Back at Christmas time a women who volunteers in Adam's agency took up a collection. She told people that it was for a Christmas present for Adam; that she'd be buying gift certificates for a weekend away.

Yesterday a woman who thought it odd that Adam had never thanked the group for this gift that totaled hundreds of dollars asked him, "did you ever get your Christmas gift from all of us?"

Ummm.... no... what gift?

Well this certainly explains WHY right after Christmas this woman chose to play all depressed and has locked herself in her house and won't come out. Adam has even sent her a card or two because she won't answer her phone or anything. Her story is that she's depressed, blah blah blah.

Now I don't CARE anymore if she's depressed.

And I don't CARE how badly she needed money.

What I do care about is Adam's good name.

He now knows that he looks like a jerk in the eyes of those who gave toward this gift. He talked to a few people yesterday. The conversation with one woman went like this:

"Did you contribute toward my Christmas gift?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well, I just need people to know that I'm not an ungrateful jerk. I haven't thanked everyone because I knew NOTHING about it. I never got it."

"Oh, well that explains it. I thought it was kind of rude for you to not say anything."

RUDE?

Adam does not have a rude bone in his body. I'm infuriated that people are thinking poorly of him when he did nothing. And how many have spread the word?

I can just hear it....the gossip....

"That Adam is a jerk. Can you believe we gave him a Christmas gift and he didn't even so much as say thanks?"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR



GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR









grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Gosh, I'm ticked.

Lucky for that woman that Adam doesn't have a rude bone in his body.
Oh, but wait.......

I do.

I'm probably the one she's gonna be hiding out from!!

I hope as word spreads that those people who gave go after her like gangbusters to get their money back.

Adam's in a professional position that he could have helped her.

She didn't have to steal from her co-volunteers.

That's just wrong.

The Ticker!!!!

It's been busy!! And here it is Saturday and life is still running wild. This afternoon will be better. We have somewhere to be at 8:00... on a Saturday morning? That's just unGodly however.....

In the meantime look at my ticker!!! It took a 3 pound tumble this week!!

Go me!!!

More later...

Okay, so maybe not but keep checking back. I'll post something ...

Eventually.