Tests of Submission

Look closely at the woman in the picture above. Can you begin to imagine living back in the day when a woman dressed that way and there was no question about her level of obedience to her husband? I don't think I could ever measure up to the woman of that era. And it's not that she "didn't know better." She was who she was and - for the most part - She was happy with that.


The woman of our day, for the most part, is a far cry from that. She's her own woman who rises up and obeys no one. And we wonder why the world is such a mess. Would it really be all that terrible for her to "know her place" in the home? It's not a bad thing. Honest. It's no different than knowing her place on the job. There's a boss. There's employees. There's a chief. There are indians.


If I had to compare myself (personality-wise) to another woman I hate to admit it, but I'd probably have to choose Roseanne Barr. Large. Mouthy. Okay so I don't think I'm anywhere near her level of being obnoxious, but I am so not the prissy little female type. That's not even the point. The point is I like to google the word(s) I want to write about and see what pictures come up... just because I like pictures which relate to what's in my head at the moment.


This time I googled - no surprise here - "Love honor obey." Actually, googling is not the point either. Keep reading if you want to know what the point is. I promise to get to it quickly.


I got married long enough ago that I do not remember if the word "obey" was in my wedding vows or not. I have a feeling though that it more than likely was considering I was married in a rigid, archaic, legalistic church. It really doesn't matter though because I do believe there is something hardwired into me that longs to submit and obey with or without any vow I may or may not have taken.


The problem is, while my heart and mind submit willingly, I have discovered that often times my mouth does not. My actions are not always exactly submissive either. Of these things I have become painfully aware lately.


As the last child recently left home, I got to thinking about where we've been and where we are headed. Twenty years ago I asked him to spank me. He said "no." I didn't ask again for a long, long time. Five years ago he found some sites I had been looking at on the internet. Finally I asked again. He said "okay."


My first spanking from him was love taps followed up by a wild romp between the sheets. I was in my glory. No, it didn't hurt much but I didn't care. It was a breakthrough at long last.


Over the next five years I found myself being spanked two or three times in the same week followed by nothing for months. We have had discussions about what we want. Do we just want to play? Discipline? What?


I'll be honest, he hasn't given me a true discipline spanking ever. Oh sure we make up silly reasons to spank me but they don't feel punishing really. I'm okay with the idea of discipline as he sees fit and I've made up my mind that when the time comes I will submit to it... like it or not.... for good or ill. The problem is, I don't think he believes that I will submit in a discipline, punishing situation.


Once he did try to give me a discipline spanking but he was so angry and there were others in the house. I got scared and ran from him. I wish sometimes that I had not ran... or since he was too mad to be spanking and there were people here I wish maybe I had gone back to him the next time we were alone and asked him to finish what he had started just to let him know that I do respect his right to spank.


I think when that happened, he didn't want to fight me on it. Or perhaps he was afraid it would be considered abuse. I don't know what he thought because we've never talked about it. I brought it up the other day - he didn't even remember the incident. We've not reached that point of discipline type spankings yet but I do believe he's leading me there.


I'm seeing signs that we're headed that way. He's been spanking longer and harder. And he's been giving me what I believe are tests of submission. I could be wrong. In fact he'll probably say that I am a bit off but I think if even only subconsciously that's what he is doing. He's asking me to do a lot of little things that normally he wouldn't ask. Cook big breakfasts on weekdays. Don't delete the history on the computer and other similar simple things.


He's also been asking some not so simple things. There's a yearly event in our lives that he's involved in and as much as he loves it, I hate it. That's okay though because I'm proud of the work he does with it. It's a passion for him. It's just not for me. And that's okay. He's agreed to not twist my arm into becoming involved and that suits me fine.


Last year that worked out very well. He didn't ask. I wasn't involved and it was better that way because then I was able to offer more support to him. If I was involved with him in this, I would get so sick of it that I might resent him. I don't want to do that. I want to be able to support him quietly behind the scenes.


But this year... he's suddenly asking me to do things here and there to help. Help unload this truck. Run that errand. Feed the crew. And I almost feel as though it's a test of sorts.


I'm not famous for my submissive nature and I'm sure he's afraid of me throwing it all back in his face if he decides to try a little dominance on for size. I'm being very careful these days to show him that "yes, I will do these things you ask that you know I hate doing... that we agreed before I would not have to do." For him. For him alone I will do the things he has asked so that he will come to the point where - when it's not sexual, when I'm not in "that mood" - he believes I will submit to what he asks.


Get me the spoon.


And the belt.


Take down your pants.


Bend over the arm of the couch.


I know the day is coming. We've gone at the sexual aspect of spanking nearly every day for two funfilled weeks. It has been awesome and will stay awesome because we are more committed than before now that the house is OURS alone. And my mind is becoming more and more submitted to what he asks of me. And as my mind finds its place, my mouth and actions are deliberately, consciously following.