An Untitled Post

I don't want sex.

I don't want spanked.

I don't want to blog.

I don't want to go to work.



Is winter even close to being over?

Blah.

Moods don't last forever, thank God.

Just for the Moment

If someone told you that in order to keep your job you would need to shell out thousands of dollars for a degree that you really don't want, what would you do? If you were only qualified to do ONE thing that paid over and above minimum wage, would you shell out the money? Would you go for the degree that you don't want? Just to keep your job?

I have been saying it this way: "I'm spending money that I don't have for a degree that I don't want."

Apparently I need it though.

Why? Why would I do this?

Because....

I love my job.

I need my job.

I need the benefits my job provides.

It just torques me that five years from now, I will no longer be qualified to do the job I will have done for 13 years by then. Excuse me? What's wrong with this picture?

I'm okay with continuing my education but to be forced to get this degree?

And besides, it's not just the money. It's the time. Have you noticed I haven't been able to post quite as often since the holiday season ended? Well this is why. Eva has gone back to school. Grad school. Big whoop-dee-doo.

On the up side I am gaining a lot already. I just don't WANT to. I'd rather whine. I'd rather hear you all say "ohhhhh... poor Eva... how dare they take time away from your blog."

You know what I think? I think that one of those stress buster spankings you all talk about would be PERFECT right about now.

How cool would it be for Adam to come to me right now, take me by the hand and pull me up from this chair?

And how cool would it be for him to yank my pants down? And take the crop to my backside?

And how wonderful might it be for him to spank and spank until I can hardly stand another stroke?

And then.....

And then....

Well you know what comes with a spanking.... Yowza.

Forget school.

Forget knowledge.

Forget my job.

Just for the moment... just for the moment let it be me and my very best friend... my husband.. my lover.... my spanker.

Ah, but................

Adam isn't home tonight.

Crap.

Boredom

Remember a couple months ago when Adam had that big project he had to work on and I hardly saw him for over a week? This week has been a lot like that week was. He's worked late every night this week.

It stinks.

Again, I am so very proud of him and the work he does BUT........

I miss him.

He's promised me that tomorrow (Friday) he'll be home before me and that we'll go out - just the two of us. He talked of spanking and sex too but quite honestly, I feel so disconnected from him that I can't seem to find any interest.

I hope that changes once I actually get to be with him.

I mean really... remember my post on Sunday? It was a letter to him? Yeah. That. Yesterday we talked on the phone briefly as I drove home from work. He apologized. He didn't even read it till yesterday morning. I hate it when he's busy.

Again... I say this for my own benefit. I AM proud of him and the work he does. I wouldn't want it any other way. I just get bored and lonely during his big project times.

It's okay. It won't - can't last forever, can it?

It's rare for me to not even care about spanking and sex. I would just like an evening with him home. The house is quiet... too quiet. Granted, we do our own thing quite a bit when we're home in the evening. I get on here. He goes to his recliner with a load of paper work to do. And as I roam around from blog to blog or sit here and type as I am doing now there's just something about hearing him laugh in the next room at whatever old sitcom he happens to be watching. It's usually either an old episode of Friends or Everybody Loves Raymond.

But he's here. And I don't have to go to bed alone when he's here.

Now wait....

I'm not whining.

I'm not complaining.

Honest. I'm a big girl and can handle some time alone. I am just trying to express how reassuring and comforting it is to have him here... how much I appreciate when he's home... even when we're doing absolutely nothing.

Okay so maybe I am whining and complaining a bit but when the rest of the world gets more of your SO than you do...

Let me rephrase that: When the world gets more of MY SO than I do it's frustrating.

So what do you think?

Do I need spanked or what?

Lucky for me, he's already promised some play time this weekend. We've got tomorrow night but I think he has to work on Saturday this week. Bummer. There's always Sunday though. And since this is Thursday evening, I would say that things are starting to look up a bit.

Keep checking back. I'll let you know how it all unfolds. I could really go for some good old fashioned silly fun. You know... like the good old days when the crop fell apart.

I'm fine. Honest. I'm just missing my man.

I bought a new outfit for work though. Spending money always helps one feel better, huh?

Enough rambling. I'm going to go see what everyone else is up to.

A Full Plate

A few questions:

Why is it suddenly a struggle to keep up?

Why have I suddenly lost all desire to keep up?

Why do some hear only what they want to hear?

What ever happened to forgiveness?

What ever happened to second chances?

Why do you care?

Why do I care?

Why should I care?

Whose job is it to care?

What's the average life expectancy of a blog anyhow?

A few comments:

I wouldn't hurt anyone knowingly.

I feel horrible when I hurt them unknowingly.

When I attempt to make ammends I feel like an excited puppy longing for acceptance.

When the attempts are refused I tend to freeze, not being able to continue much.

This won't go away for awhile and so I must.

That's just the way I'm wired.

I'll be back when the fire burns out.

Okay... I'm not going anywhere. It's just been a bad day. Allow me that, please?

Me? Intelligent?

Have I claimed to be intelligent?

No. I don't believe that I have.

Oh, sure. I can do some math but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the good old common sense stuff that helps one refrain from placing one's foot in one's mouth.

Like my friend Cassie, who recently tried to tell Tom a thing or two, I wonder sometimes if I'll ever learn when to keep quiet.

Adam's job....He loves it.

I love that he loves it.

I like the people who works with. They are good people. The problem is that I'm a homebody who doesn't care all that much for socializing. His job however requires our presence at staff family get togethers every three months. I don't like them... not the people. The get togethers. I don't like the get togethers.

Why? Because I just don't. I don't fit in with the other spouses very well. And I just don't see this need to drag spouses into this every three month bonding experience. I understand the idea behind it. Camaraderie amongst coworkers is an awesome thing. Why though is it being forced upon the spouses who only see each other at these get togethers that really have nothing to do with any of us.

Once a year would be plenty.

So anyhow Adam knows I do not at all want to go to the event scheduled for this Friday evening. In fact I haven't yet even said I will go. I see no need. I see no point. I just don't want to. Period.

Okay so I know it means something to him. I understand that but can't we find something ~ anything ~ else to show him that he means the world to me. Do I have to do something which takes me way out of my comfort zone and makes me feel like I have 3 boobs, 5 eyes and a huge nose that everyone is glaring at. I hate it. Hate hate hate it.

This morning he ~ my wonderful Adam ~ says to me, "If you will go with me Friday night, I will give you the best spanking ever when we get home."

I do appreciate the thought. I do. HOWEVER.....

However....I think I'd rather watch grass grow.

My response to him was not all that common sensical. (Is that a word?)

Wanna hear what I said?

I'm warning you, it wasn't all that bright of me.

Are you SURE you want to hear it?

Okay, but I warned you....

I said to Adam, "Oh, goody. I get to be tortured twice in one night."

Now, I ask you, just WHAT was I thinking?

Something tells me that yes indeed, I will be "tortured" twice in the same evening and something also tells me it won't be from watching grass grow.

I'll endure the first round of torture if it means he will hold to his word when we get home.

And if he doesn't?

Hmmm.....

I don't think I have to worry about that.
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Foot in mouth image lifted from http://enterthelaughter.com/insert-foot-in-mouth.png
And the cute little squirrel came from http://thinklab.typepad.com