Eva,
I know people treat me differently because of my size. I was just wondering if you have figured out why that is? I'm still at the 290 range (or close to 300 to be honest) and in the 3X sizes. I hate this but I don't wanna give up food.
Any advise?
Nancy
I don't know why people treat us differently when we're overweight but I can guess. I used to think they felt us "fat chicks" weren't worth their time because we are - after all - fat and lazy.
I felt like a freak show when I was heavy. I always felt like people were staring and thinking the worst about me as a person because:
Fat = Lazy = Unworthy = a waste of time.Okay so we know that's not necessarily true, but ask any overweight person if they feel this way ever. We know that they do. I sure did and still do at times because the mind is not yet caught up to the body.
But advice for Nancy? If I had it to do over again when I was overweight, I'd quit acting fat, ashamed, and unworthy and maybe people would treat me as such. I mean I have admitted from the get-go that it might not be them, that it is quite possibly "me."
I walked around with my head hung low always hoping I wouldn't be noticed, always feeling like a freak show. I guess that's part of the reason I love my twin so much. When she met me and saw how horrible I looked she didn't treat me any differently than she had all along. And now that I'm losing weight, she still treats me the same. She has always seen past the fat, the thin, the thick, and the failures to the person I am within - with or without the fat.
Hold your head up and act thin!!! People will treat us how we invite them to with our body language. I am honestly seeing that more now than before but at the same time, I have a story for you.
Last month I went to my support group meeting. There was a lady there who is double me in size... what I was, I mean. She was LARGE. Very large. I made a point of sitting beside her even though my instincts told me "ewe, fat, lazy, scummy." I refused to bow to the feelings that enter me by the vibes people send off about themselves. I mean I have a friend who is just as large as this woman and no one, I mean not one single person sees her as fat once they get to know her. She holds her head up and oozes confidence from her pores.
Anyhow, as I sat by this woman, no matter what she said or did I treated her like she was acting thin. By the end of the night I'd made a friend. Tonight is support group again and I'm hoping that she's there. And I'm hoping that she's gotten a surgery date. She hadn't gotten one the last time I saw her.
As for Nancy commenting on not wanting to give up food... I just want to say this because I felt that way too at one time and I'm sure there are others who want to be thin but feel the same way.
Listen.
It's an adjustment BUT you do adjust. What used to feel like deprivation and starvation now feels like a thanksgiving feast. I mean think of it this way... have you ever been to a picnic where the young men load up 3 plates as high as they can and you think "Good golly, I could NEVER eat that much."
It's a LOT of food, yes? But why do those guys do that? Because to them (and their metabolism) It's NOT a lot of food.
Now I look at the NORMAL person and feel that same way. What is normal in our society is now a ridiculous LARGE mess of food to me. I now grab a small plate and get a dab or a spoonful of a few items I'd like to try. That's NORMAL. Have I given up food? Heck no. Listen to what I've eaten today....
1 blackraspberry ice cream bar
Oatmeal
Potato Salad
Soup
Chex mix
3 cups of coffee
The ice cream bar is no sugar added (blue bunny brand and they are awesome). I only had about 1/4 cup cooked oatmeal with sugar free maple syrup. I had maybe 2 tablespoons of potato salad. The chex mix? A half cup. The soup? I ate the whole can... in two sittings. I squeeze coffee in between meals. The soup was a lot but it was GOOD. Barley Vegetable. Progresso. You know .. the kind that is 0 (zero) weight watcher's points?
My point? I feel like a stuffed hog on that amount of food. I don't feel like I'm giving up food. Did I in the beginning? Yes, but now that I can eat what I want pretty much I don't feel deprived or starved at all. And shhhhhh... don't tell Adam.. he has to work late so I'm having some pizza for supper. That man takes food right out of my mouth if he thinks I shouldn't eat it.
Was it worth it? Yes.. YES... YES.
I'm rambling but I just wanted to share with you all.. especially those of you - and I know you're out there reading - who come here because you're thinking about this surgery for yourself... gastric bypass is an emotional adjustment but you DO adjust quite happily. Honest.
Now, if someone could just adjust my libido.
Believe me your mind will catch up with your weight loss a lot sooner if you put on that skinny act you referred to. Besides you are skinny now.
ReplyDeleteI love what you did for the large lady in the support group.
We ate almost the same things today! I had Special K, Oatmeal, soup, no potato salad, instead a mini corn muffin and 3 cups of coffee! By the way check your email, I need help in the coffee department.
I'll be looking for Blue Bunny soon.
Huggs
Theresa
Twin this is one of your best posts. Dr. Phil says it too, you teach people how to treat you.
ReplyDeleteI think back to the first time I ever saw you. I was so happy that you were actually here you were beautiful to me! You were my twin and you had come to see me and I was the happiest person around.
I am thrilled you had the surgery because you feel better and you are happier. But if you hadn't had the surgery I would still love you just the same!
That's really wonderful that you no longer feel hungry after eating such small amounts of food. Enjoy that pizza!
ReplyDeleteHuggs,
Reesa
"I mean I have a friend who is just as large as this woman and no one, I mean not one single person sees her as fat once they get to know her. She holds her head up and oozes confidence from her pores."
ReplyDeleteI have a cousin exactly like that..she's so successful that she has actually met royalty.
She's had weight problems all her life but never let that stop her. I do think it's alot in how you carry yourself. After reading your twins post..have you found your libido yet..WEG..
Eva, I told you the other day and I will say it again. Your one fine looking lady. Yes HOT! Make sure Adam reads your twins post that should start some libido action.
ReplyDelete*hugs and grins*
Eva, this is a wonderful post, you are what YOU think you are, not what other people think.
ReplyDeleteCompassion is on of the great gifts and you were to that lady, well done and thank you.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
All I can add to the wonderful comments you have already received is that, today, portions are ridiculously large. What used to be a large portion of fries, say, at MacDonald's, is now called medium and there are 2 larger sizes available. That makes it really difficult to adjust portions when you eat out.
ReplyDeleteAt home, we both eat only as much for dinner as we feel we want. Leftovers are packaged and stored in the freezer for me to take to work for lunch.
Enjoy that pizza, girl. You earned it!
Hugs,
Hermione
What a nice post, Eva. How true that what we show to others is what others see...and how wonderful to see people in an enlightened way to give them the confidence to see themselves the way they ought to... :-) Take care! Enjoy your pizza, Terpsichore
ReplyDeleteOh, Eva, what a wonderful post! I am so glad you sent me the email to nudge me to check.
ReplyDeleteA long time ago, I worked hard at healing the inside of me. I am confident in my abilities and I'm emotionally healthy to handle life as it comes. I guess that little voice inside my head that tells me that I'm not enough because of my size has been winning. The voice is wrong--mostly because it is the voice of my mom.
It is time to make my outsides match my insides. Watching the biggest loser TV program has helped. With that and your post, I am feeling encouraged. THANK YOU, dear sweet Eva!
Love,
Nancy
The one thing that was weird after the surgery was how little I could eat and still be fine. We really don't need nearly the amount of fodd that is put in front of us. I am now the leftover person when we go out for meals!
ReplyDeleteThe Biggest Loser - I love it. I reminds me what I need to be doing.
-Jess
Excellent post. There is no doubt about it... overweight people are ridiculed and mocked, and in many ways they are discriminated against. It's absurd when you realize that 65% of Americans are overweight... and about 30% are clinically obese. It's a nation of fat people!
ReplyDeleteBut despite the numbers. fat people (and spankos, lol) are one of the very few groups that it is generally okay to target.
As ridiculous and unfair as it is though, it is what it is. You either have to do what you suggest... and thumb your nose at it, and be a happy person and live your life... or you need to tackle and defeat the weight.
Todd & Suzy
Wow, well put Eva and all that you said is so true from start to finish. I never felt confident in my own skin when I had a lot of weight on and I didn't dress that well but I often see bigger women who look stunning because they hold their head up and the dress good, so yes your own attitude can do a lot for you from the get go.
ReplyDeleteAs to the attitude to food, yes it takes some time it is an adjustment thing and can be done. I simply can't get through the amount of food I used to be able to. You can also train your taste buds to really enjoy food that is better for you. I still have plenty of treats, the difference is now they are treats and not an everyday occurrence.
All the best Nancy.
Thanks Eva
Hugs
Mina
Eva,
ReplyDeleteYou are busted! Put down the pizza and nobody gets hurt. I love you.
Theresa~ Did you find the blue bunny? The black raspberry ice cream bars (no sug. added) are so good!!!
ReplyDeleteTwin~ Well if it makes you that happy, we need to get together again soon!!!
Reesa~ Actually the best part is that I don't feel hungry BEFORE eating that food either!!
Mthc~ I wonder too if it's not one of those nature vs. nurture things. I mean, my mom made it known that she was never happy about my weight. At the same time I know a girl who is heavy but very confident anyhow because her parents raised her to be that way.
David~ I know you told me but I like hearing it. Say it again!!!
Paul~ Thank you. Compassion has never been my strong suit. I probably should work on that a bit.
hermione~ You got that right! I look at food in restaurants now and wonder how in the world I ever ate all that!!
Terpsichore~ The pizza was pretty good. It's one that my diet can handle. I ate a little bit and left the rest for Adam.
Nancy~ I have one of those mom voices too. Always thought I was the only one!!
Jess~ That has amazed me too. I mean it used to be that if I only ate what I eat now, I would have got the shakes, head ache, etc...
Todd and Suzy~ Gosh, I hate being in these groups that it's okay to attack but you're right. There are some things society is cruel about and others you would be slammed if you did say something cruel. Where's the fairness? Sheesh.
Mina~ As much as I hate to admit it, it's easier to hold my head up now. It shouldn't have been that way but it was.
Adam~ Keep your shorts on!! I only ate a tiny bit. You ate the rest, remember? I love you too!!