You Don't Know Me

You.

You know who you are.

And I wonder if you knew me, if you would have still been so cruel.

After struggling to find our way out of your city last night we were relieved after a half hour of going in circles to have finally found the highway we needed. It was especially frustrating to approach intersection after intersection with traffic lights not working. We watched for a cue from one of the policemen before venturing into each intersection each time.

We listened as one of your finest yelled at one who tried to sneak through before you told her to do so. I think she thought it was a four way stop because your finest would get a stream of traffic going then step out of the intersection onto the curb. With no one there in view, how was she to know you were directing her? Did your finest really have to shout at her like that?

And then today, I was the one behind the wheel struggling to find my way out of your city. Again, the police stood on the curb stepping out only to wave on a different stream of traffic. As I sat at one of these intersections I only began to notice it was taking a very long time for one of your three police to switch lines of traffic. It was right then it dawned on me that your finest at this particular intersection were expecting us to treat it as a four way stop. I have no problem with that but was caught off guard after watching a police officer scream at a woman who did just that last night... treat it as a four way stop, that is.

So just as I gathered my wits I looked to my left where one of your officers screamed at me, asking "What are you going to do?"

In reality I had no clue what to do. I'm a stranger in your city and my GPS kept insisting I head the wrong way on your one way streets.

And I wonder...

If your officer knew why I was in your city, would she have yelled at me in such a demeaning way? If she knew how worried I am about my husband right now... if she knew how frustrated I was trying to find my way... would she still have yelled? Would she have cared that her demeaning screech only served to pour salt on the fresh wounds I'm enduring.

And you....

Yes, you....

If YOU knew how that officer had just been so impatient with me... if you knew why I was there to begin with... if you knew my fear and frustration for my husbands health and well being... if you knew how close to the edge of a total mental collapse that I am, would you have sped up like that when I tried to get into the lane you were in? Would you have laid on your horn and not let up from it like you did?

Would you have cared that I was hurt, lost, confused, frustrated, angry, and lonely? Would you have eased up on the horn? The gestures?

What I wanted to do was stop my car right there and block your path completely. I wanted to make you just wait while I cried out the anger and frustration.

Instead I felt my anger rising, my frustration mounting.

Yup. I stuck my hand out the window and flipped you off. Brake checked you a few times too.

You didn't seem to care though cuz you kept your hand on your horn, and your other hand out the window flipping me off.

I guess you didn't see how very much I needed you to give me a break and not add to my already very full plate.

I know you don't know me. I know you don't know everything I'm up against right now. That's okay. I just wonder if it would have mattered. Or have we - as a society - sunk so low that we have quit caring when others need a break and a boost.

When did we start to hate each other so deeply?