I Hate to Have to Get Mean

Last night we went for the required pre-surgical psychiatric workshop. It was very good. Lots of laughing and excitement. At the same time we were made aware of many issues which might come up, changes that might take place, etc.

I'm confident that Adam and I can handle whatever comes our way. See, much of what she talked about we've already been through so we've already discussed it. Also, our marriage is a whole different animal than what it was back then so again, I'm confident that we will handle whatever comes our way without much conflict.

It's hard to imagine that weight loss can cause problems but there's all sorts of issues. They were all covered well last night. And yup, I'm confident that Adam and I will handle whatever of these issues might arise.

I don't even want to go into the details of all that.

This post is about a statement I read there last night. Before I tell it to you though, let me refresh your memory. Remember my sister in law? The one who was the subject of my rant a few days ago when she said that I was taking the easy way out?

With that in mind, read this awesome statement:

Weight loss and weight maintenance is like digging a hole in your yard. You can dig the hole with your hands or you can dig the hole with a shovel. Either way, you still have to do the work. Using a tool makes the work manageable. Expecting weight loss surgery to do the work for you is unrealistic. It would be like expecting the shovel to get up and dig the hole for you.

Isn't that cool?

There's no easy way out of anything in life; only tools to help us manage the load.

Oh, I haven't got to the reason for the title of this post. I learned something last night that down right pissed me off. I had my PAP on June 6th. There were issues. They've been dealt with. I saw my gyno last Thursday. I asked her if I was good to go for surgery and she said yes. I then asked if she would send some things to my surgeon: A) a copy of the PAP results AND B) a statement saying it's okay to proceed.

She readily agreed.

On Monday, the surgeon's office called asking about those results. I explained that they were on the way. The surgeon's office decided just to be safe, they would call themselves and make sure things were being sent. See, without those two things my surgeon will cancel my surgery next Monday. So anyhow last night when we went to the work shop AGAIN they tell me they do not have those results.

So if you need me this morning, I'll be camped out in the gyno's office until they either A) provide me with proof that they just this very minute faxed it all or B) Give the stuff to me and I will hand deliver it to my surgeon.

They have till about 11 then things will get ugly because Adam and I have to go to my presurgical appointment at the hospital which is doing my surgery. And btw, in case any of you are wondering... Adam has a wonderful job with a terrific boss. He can take time off whenever he needs it without it affecting his pay. They know he'll put the time in elsewhere so it's never an issue. We are lucky. At the last job Adam had he was poorly paid as it was and would have been docked to make all these appts. with me. We wouldn't have been able to do it.

I'm really thankful for him and his job.

A World Gone Mad

Honestly. Doesn't it often feel as though the whole world's gone nuts?

The first thing I always do is check for a full moon. When school is in, no one has to tell a teacher when it's time for a full moon. We know.

That whole bridge story in Minneapolis just breaks my heart. And scares me to death. Ask PK. I have told her about the little bridge that spans a lake that I must drive over each day to and from work. My greatest fear is going into that water and being trapped in my car. I can't imagine the horror those who have perished in this horrendous accident endured in their final moments. I hope God took them quickly so that their fears and terror could end.

And how about Andrea Roberts? She's the woman in Flower Mound, Texas who shot and killed her husband, two children, and then herself. Why?

Why?

They are looking into the possibility of a medical condition in the family. Something had to be overwhelming for her to do this. I have a theory of my own.

Adam and I came out of a very legalistic church about six years ago. We'd been born and raised in it and without naming it, without going into details just believe me when I say that it was horrible. At any rate, many stories like this often go back to that very religion. I swear. I'm not making that up. There have been other situations similar to this and my first response is always I bet they were from the old church.

Often, I've been correct.

You'd have to fully understand this church to know what I'm talking about. It's very demeaning to women. Heck it's demeaning to anyone who doesn't walk the right walk. Having spent 38 years in this church, I know and understand how and why some people have cracked and done the things they have done.

Of course that doesn't make it right. We're all responsible for our own actions. Or are we? Is it possible to be brainwashed and driven to a point where there's no way out?

One woman murdered her husband a while back. Everyone said "why didn't she just leave him? Divorce him?" Adam is always quick to say "that's not an option in this church. Murder became the only way for her to get out." Sad. So very sad.

So I wonder, is Andrea Roberts another similar situation? I'll be watching to see if they were church goers. And if they were... how much do you want to bet that I know her story all too well?

I'm thankful to God that we are out of that mess. And it was a mess.

On a lighter note.....

We were sitting at the kitchen table the other day when Adam says "When you lose your weight, the girls are going to get smaller, huh?"

I said, "They are always the first thing that shrinks."

He then looked straight at my chest and said "Hang in there girls. Don't give up. You FIGHT!!"

You would have thought he was talking to a loved one on their death bed.

Protein update:

I've been experimenting with protein. It was overwhelming at first because if I go into a vitamin store I have to know exactly what I'm looking for. The protein drinks that body builders use are not quite right for me. I was confused.

Then someone told me about a website that is strictly for gastric bypass patients. I went there and was able to pick out appropriate protein because it's ALL appropriate for me. I got a sample pack of about 20 different kinds. I've found quite a few that I like so life is good. No more barn floor for me.

When it comes to protein there's two avenues to choose from. You can go down the path of milky shakes or you can go down the path of Crystal Light. There's a brand called "Worldwide Pure Protein" that makes a canned ready to drink (RTD) that is very good. I ordered 3 - 12 packs but seriously the shipping was ridiculous so I'm on a search for somewhere local that carries it.

I didn't mind paying it this once but don't want to again. I got three flavors: Chocolate, Cookies and Cream, and Banana Cream.

On the Crystal light avenue there's a brand called Nectar. It comes in some wonderful flavors... Caribbean cooler, iced tea, apple, fuzzy navel, Kiwi strawberry, etc. They are good on their own but even better if you mix in some crystal light.

So things are good on the protein front. My biggest fear however is that after surgery I just won't be able to down as much of it as I'm expected to on top of eating what I'm supposed to AND don't forget that 48-64 ounces of water that are an absolute must!!

Things are coming along though. Tonight is another pre-surgery hoop. We are going to a psychiatric workshop. I'm looking forward to it. I'm not sure what all it will cover but I know that I need to go. See, this whole thing is far more emotional than what I bargained for. AND I've been hearing a lot about relationships changing. I don't want anything to change between me and Adam. I've been there before.

12 years ago my weight was down to only 30 pounds overweight. I was starting to take pride in how I looked. I had more energy. I wanted to do more with friends. I felt GREAT. It seemed though that the better I felt, the more nervous Adam would get. We were also still in that crappy old church so I keep telling myself it was more so THAT than him. And I do believe it was but I think this will be good for both of us to go to tonight. He's been with me every step, every appointment. I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel safe when he's with me and now that I think about it, it's probably good that he's so involved. That was part of the problem back then too. It didn't really involve him. This does.

And tomorrow I have to go for my pre-surgical testing at the hospital where my surgery will take place.

AND THAT is the FINAL hoop before surgery.

Whew.

The Next Few Weeks

I think we all know as spankers/spankees that there are times when the spanking can't come soon enough, can't last long enough and can't happen soon enough again. Those times are pretty much yummy, yes?

Well I haven't had those times for quite sometime. In fact I pretty much don't have any interest in sex or spanking at all these days. BUT as we all know that feeling comes and goes so I know that it will come again. I assure you it will come again.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I honestly believe that some spankers back way off when this happens thinking "it's not what she wants after all." That is the furthest thing from the truth. It is what we want.... it's just impossible to want it 24/7.

And right now? Adam is going easy on me. He knows I'm preoccupied with other things. Heck, he too is preoccupied with other things. He's got a big deal happening at work this week so actually I guess neither of us is in the mood it takes for spanking me.

It will come back. Some day.

And I've course I'll keep blogging as time allows and if I have anything to say until that time comes again.

These days, I'm just going through the motions. This surgery is coming up FAST and I'm not excited to go through it however I am excited to get to the other side of it. Back in April when I met the surgeon for the first time, I was told "your normal weight range is between X and Y. Where do you see yourself within that range?"

See myself? In THAT range? I looked at her and said "I don't see myself there." I can't remember the last time I was there. It was pre-high school. I know that for certain. They tell me that I will get within that range. Really? I just can't fathom it.

I've read books. I've talked to people. I've jumped through all the hoops. I'm ready. There was a time when I looked at the list of hoops I had to jump through and was thoroughly overwhelmed. There were too many appointments. There was too much to do. Too much to read. Too much to learn.

But here we are.

In the meantime, please forgive me for not posting much. I just don't have anything to say that is spanking related. My mind is elsewhere. But be assured, I'll be back... in fact I'm not going anywhere. I just need you to know that it might be a while before this blog has anything spanking related. It's probably going to be surgery related for a while.

But when Adam spanks me again one of these days - I promise - you'll be the first to know... well after PK of course. I couldn't do that to her!! LOL

So here we are. Surgery is less than two weeks away. My oldest will be home the Wednesday before while my youngest leaves for school the Saturday before. She is torn about going with my surgery and all but HONEST it's OKAY. I want her to go. She needs to go. I need her to go!!! Go, go, go. I love her dearly but honestly she has cramped our style this summer!!

Our oldest will fly back out two days after my surgery. I think in her mind she will know by then that I'm going to live. And then PK will be here!! I'm sure you'll hear from me then!! I'm gonna be bummed though if I'm not feeling well enough to laugh. I know it hurts to laugh after surgery. PK - don't make me laugh!!!!

Well Adam is home. I hear him in the drive. Guess I'll post this and feed him. Taco Salad.

A Rant - The Easy Way Out

If you're not up to hearing a rant, I understand if you move along to PK's or somewhere that doesn't have any griping going on. I know how it is. Sometimes we just can't handle hearing one more complaint.

Something's bugging me. Bugging? Actually it's annoying the heck right out of me.

It got back to me through the grapevine that Adam's sister said that I am "taking the easy way out" when it comes to losing weight.

Easy? Has the back pain I've been in for 3 years been easy?

Will surgery be easy? Will it be easy to never again in my life eat an entire meal?

Will it be easy to order a dinner in a restaurant knowing I can only take a few bites?

Will it be easy to skip the mashed potatoes and go for the meat because protein has to come first?

Will it be easy to drink protein drinks that taste like a barn floor?

There is NO easy way out when it comes to weight loss. My doctor has recommended this because everything else has failed. Oh, sure, there have been a few times where I've busted my ass to get my weight down to a mere 40 pounds over weight.

That's right people!! 40 pounds OVERweight has been the best I've ever been since I hit puberty. Does it matter that my grandmother was overweight? And my father? And all but one of his siblings? Does it matter that it's genetic? Does it matter that I'm on a fairly high dosage of thyroid medication? Easy way out?

What's easy about it?

I still have to exercise and diet. This forces me to do that. Does that make it easy? I do wish that ignorant people would realize they are ignorant and just shut their mouths.

And you know what's funny? Adam's sister too is overweight. She has recently been diagnosed with some of the things I've been fighting for years. My guess is that within the next five years she will be having to do the same thing.

Easy way out?

I hope she doesn't call me if she ever decides to take the "easy way out."

None of this has been easy. It's not a quick fix. It's taken me a year to get to this point. It will take another year to get the weight off. And what's so easy about strained cream of chicken soup? Yogurt? Mashed up cottage cheese? Beef broth? Sugarless EVERYTHING?

No more pasta. No more sugar. No more pop. No more alcohol. No wait. I don't drink. Scratch that. Oh, and I get to do TWO enemas before surgery. Easy? That's easy? And I get to drink that nasty lemony flavored carbonated crap.... and pills.. I get to take some pills... all designed to "clean me out."

Oh, but it will be easy.

Does anyone here see that what Adam's sister thinks I should do it follow a diet and exercising? I will be doing exactly that with a million dr. appointments piled on. Tests. Surgery. Enemas. Hospital stay. Protein drinks. Have I mentioned they all taste like a barn floor?

So now I get it... the "hard way out" (the "right" way) would be diet and exercise. The "easy way out" - the way that I'm taking - is diet, exercise and all this stuff I've mentioned. And really I haven't given you all the details of what I've been through to get here.

Now the "easy" part begins. Surgery. Recovery. And a whole new way of living. It will be soooo easy, right? If this is the easy way out, then so be it. I make no apologies for doing something the "easy way." And the easy way out means that if I cheat on the diet I risk throwing up or - worse - dumping. If you don't know what that is, read up on it. It might not be what you think. It's where you get the shakes, nauseous, chills, sweats, tightening in the chest... all kinds of fun things. And what will happen to Adam's sister should she cheat? NOTHING.

But my way's the easy way. She should try it. I mean, after all, if it's easy then why wouldn't she want to try it? It's easier to drive to the grocery store than it is to walk but maybe I should walk so people don't think I'm taking the easy way out.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I'm done.

No I'm not.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Okay, now I'm done.

Adam's Mean

Yes. I told Adam I was going to write a post and title it this way. He just laughed.

We're gearing up for my surgery. It's less than three weeks away. Won't be long till I'm like the pup up above.

People keep asking if I'm excited. I tell them nervous is more the correct word. Yes, I want to do this but it's not an excitement. Some people seem to think I'd be like a kid at Christmas. It's just not like that for me. There's so much to do. So much to remember.

Yesterday I was handed a list of 4 methods for cleaning out the bowel before surgery.

Ewe.

"Pick one," she says.

Ummmm... I asked her which she would do if it was here and went with that.

There are things to buy. Prescriptions to fill. So much to do. so little time.

But excited? Well I am I suppose but not in that kid at Christmas way. It's more like ... heck I don't know what it's like.

I want my back, my feet, and my knees to quit hurting. I want to put on a pair of pants without having to sit down to do it. I want to look in the mirror and not cry at what I see. I want to find a protein drink that doesn't taste like someone made a shake out of stuff they scraped up off a barn floor.

Good news!!

I am to discontinue all but two of my meds immediately after surgery. I'm quitting all the ones for cholesterol, blood pressure, and diabetes. I will only take my thyroid med and my zoloft. No one messes with the zoloft. I'm afraid to go off it anyhow.

Some people are idiots.

I was talking to a friend the other day. She's been a great encourager for me. She was asking some questions when an older "gentleman" butted into our conversation with "Your dietitian should be shot."

Excuse me?

He then proceeds to tell me the right way to lose weight and that cutting out fruits for 3 months isn't it. He missed the pureed part. I told him about the surgery and that things were different and that my dietitian is coaching me strictly based on what's needed for gastric bypass surgery. Three more times he said she should be shot and three more times I had to say "I'm having surgery." He didn't seem to think that mattered.

Idiot.

More good news!! PK is coming.

Wait.

You knew that.

But surely you know how exciting that is. I think you all held your breath when we met the first time, huh? It could have fallen apart. We could have met and found we had nothing in common after all. That would have happened if we hadn't been so open and honest from the start. What we knew was what we got.

So yup. PK's coming to my house. Her room is ALMOST ready. I just have a couple things I want to do today. Now to get offspring #3 to leave it presentable when she leaves for college two days before my surgery. And offspring #1 is flying in for my surgery and will leave the day before I come home from the hospital. (I'm supposed to come home on Thursday after surgery if everything goes okay). She's no problem. She will leave it clean for PK who will be here just two days after #1 leaves.

So anyhow, let me explain why Adam's mean!!

You know the tiger maple spatula that I love already? He has named it. It's now known as "the west Virginian." Okay, so maybe that's appropriate, however he's saying things such as "If you don't drink your protein... if you don't ride the bike and walk... if you don't... if you do... blah blah west Virginian.... blah blah and blah."

I laughed and said "you're mean and I'm going to write a post and title it 'Adam's mean.'"

You know who else is mean?

PK.

That's who.

Here's a direct quote from an email she sent me. I am not even getting her permission because she'd probably say no. But see for yourself. She's mean. She said, "I will tell you as a mother, a teacher and a former vet tech if I tell you its time to drink something then girl you better plan on doing it!!!"

So see... people are being mean to me.

Grace!! Do something. Help me!!!

Carye and Papa Shrek

My name: Carye

Childhood ambition: to be a vet

Fondest memory: Holding my newborn twins in my own room in the hospital. Both healthy and able to be with me and my husband holding me.

Sound track: Billy Idol, and Styx

Retreat: Spanko Blogland

Wildest dream: Going to final exams having never been to class and not being able to find the right classroom or my locker.

Proudest moment: Getting my Extra class ham radio licence and surprising my ham radio dad!

Biggest challenge: Not saying yes too often, weight, my first son's short life

Alarm clock: My husband, or a talk radio station

Perfect Day: Time alone with my kids and my husband

First job: Paper route, followed by being a receptionist at a music studio

Indulgence: mmmm... cookie dough craving frozen custard from Culvers

Last purchase: tickets for the prairie air show for the family.

Favorite movie for the moment: Not a movie person, but any Shrek

Inspiration: My husband

My life: Insanely busy and happily focused on family :-)

My card: Master card/discover

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My name: Papa Shrek

Childhood ambition: to leave the community

Fondest memory: Being in the nursery with our first born

Sound track: Bean Blossom

Retreat: flash games

Wildest dream: I'm a guy I can't say without blushing

Proudest moment: they all involve my kids

Biggest challenge: living in a subdivision

Alarm clock: Bob N Tom radio show

Perfect Day: staying at a cabin at the top of a mountain with family and friends.

First job: Baling hay.

Indulgence: beef jerky

Last purchase: Pizza

Favorite movie for the moment: Shaolin soccer

Inspiration: Aldo Leopold

My life: I work, I get home, something happens, we eat dinner, something happens, bedtime, ....repeat.....

My card: Mastercard

Rambling Again

Whew. It's been a long week.

A very close friend's brother died. Doctor appointments. More doctor appointments this upcoming week. Oh, and yesterday we painted the walls in PK's room. After the calling hours today we will paint the trim. Tomorrow morning we will go to the funeral. Tomorrow afternoon - after the funeral dinner - my new bedroom furniture is coming.

The surgery date is getting closer. Three more weeks. Oh, and because I have been doing what they told me to leading up to the surgery I have officially lost over 20 pounds. Yeah for me!!! Twenty down - at least 100 more to go.

So with that all going on, I was more than thrilled yesterday morning before the day got rolling to wake up to Adam wanting to play. We've been so limited lately with so much going on, and people in the house. It's been hard to find the time, desire, and stamina to play. Yesterday was different. Offspring #3 was away for the weekend and we had no where we had to be.

It was nice. A little bit of everything. Hitachi. Sex. And the nicest spanking with a toy not yet tried. Remember this one? Adam got it out yesterday. I wasn't aware he had it in his hand until it landed on my rear. It's very stingy so he took it easy on my not so tanned rear end. It definitely has a nice feel to it and I know it will be a favorite for years to come. I'm telling you - it's down right lovely. Adam has such good taste. Tiger Maple. Lovely.

As he was going to town on my rear end he said "name that state." ROFL

I know!! I know!!! California!! New Mexico!! Idaho!!

No wait. We didn't visit any of those.

Ummmmm.......

Oh, yeah. I remember. West Virgina.

So how's everyone? I hope you all are doing well. My twin is off to the mountains today for her love affair. I suppose it's okay. I do understand. I feel for Nick though. Poor guy. He has a wife who's running off to be with another man and he has no choice but to accept it. I suppose I admire his patience and love for PK but really.

Okay, I'm kidding. She's going off to read the latest Harry Potter book.

Offspring #3 bought it while she was away for the weekend. She flashed it under my nose. I said, "oh, I found that sight a few days ago where someone took snapshots of every page and posted them. I read the last page."

At that point my loving child (who's nearly 22) turned on me like a pit bull after a pork chop and said "If you so much as breath one little hint to me about what's on the last page, I will kill you."

Sheesh.

I then told her about PK going off and renting a room so that she can read undisturbed and without the fear of someone spoiling it for her. My daughter replies, "I understand. It's THAT serious!!"

So I'm thinking of making a major investment and buying all 7 books and reading them all. Not sure how long it would take me. Probably not long since they are such good books.

I'm rambling.

Sorry.

Bye!!