He smiled as he thought of how she loved the snow and always insisted on making snow angels and snowmen with the kids when they were small. He wished she was standing there beside him now. Raina had gone to bed an hour earlier and he hated to wake her. Besides it wasn’t like she’d never seen snow before.
Their life together was settled. Secure. Happy. Jake had nothing to complain about and he knew it so how could he… why would he….
He sighed as a feeling of selfishness entered into the pit of his stomach. He hung his head and tried to fight off the shame. He thought of Raina’s goodness and how it would devastate her to know that he wanted more. And if she knew WHAT exactly he wanted…. Well… he wondered what she would think of him then.
He didn’t hear her enter the room but turned to face her when she softly called his name.
“Jake? Honey, are you coming to bed?”
He apologized and told her he was watching the snow fall … and…. Well… thinking.
She approached him from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist. She turned her head, pressing her cheek against his back.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about?”
He told her “nothing,” but then said, “Everything.”
“Well which is it?”
He drew a deep breath and pulled her around to stand beside him. For a while they stood watching the snow fall. Finally Jake turned to her and said “Raina, I love you with all my heart, but are you happy? I mean REALLY happy?”
She assured Jake that yes, of course, she is very happy with him. But then… then panic struck as she realized that maybe he isn’t happy with her. Her voice caught on the words as she asked “Are YOU happy?”
He assured her that he was happy but at the same time felt like something was missing in their relationship. Still panicked Raina wasn’t sure where this was going. Jake sensed her fear so he took her by the hand saying “Come with me.”
He led her into their kitchen and turned the light on. He said “Look around… Really look. Are you happy with everything in our lives that goes on in this room?”
“Jake, honey, it’s a kitchen. We cook here. We eat here. It serves its purpose quite well.”
“So you’re happy with it? REALLY happy? The appliances are okay? The counter top?”
“Jake, it’s a beautiful kitchen and we both know it. What are you getting at?”
Again, he took her by the hand out into their garage. He gave the same command: “Look around… REALLY look.”
Raina was starting to relax a bit and found herself enjoying this little game. She threw her arms around his neck and teased, “Jake!! I love you!! You’re buying me a new car, aren’t you? That’s what this is all about, isn’t it?”
They both knew that her car was new enough. He pulled her arms from his neck and asked again “are you happy with what you see here?”
“Of course. I love my car and I’m glad to have a garage to keep it in. Remember what it was like on nights like this when the cars sat out because we didn’t have a garage?”
They chatted back and forth about all the times they had to dig a car out from under the snow until finally, Jake took her hand again and said “Okay, let’s go.”
They talked about each of their children and how proud they are of them. They talked about the previous year’s adjustment to their now empty nest. And then finally…. Finally….Jake led Raina into their own bedroom.
A wave came over her as she knew the questions he would ask. They’d been to a number of rooms and Jake had asked the exact same questions of her in every room. Raina felt her stomach tie into one huge knot as she realized that THIS… their bedroom was the end all of this adventure Jake had taken her on.
Two things raced through her mind. She knew she had to think quick. And she knew she had to be careful. Jake had always been the most considerate of lovers. Her needs were always met. She wondered how damaging the truth might be to him. She wondered if she would be able to find the words to tell him that even though her needs have been met she’s had many, many nights of unfulfilled wants. Could she dare to tell him the truth? It felt like an opportunity was before her that she might never have again.
Another thing that raced through her mind was a feeling of pain. Was she not satisfying him? Did he want more? What could he possibly want? She had always been willing to fulfill every desire that he conveyed to her. If he wanted more, he just needed to say so.
Raina couldn’t stand it. She was about to explode. When Jake told her to look around and asked if she was happy with their lives in their bedroom she felt tears well up in her eyes. She felt her throat begin to tighten. She wasn’t sure if she’d even be able to talk.
Finally she looked up into his eyes and said “Honey… Please… Please just tell me what this is all about.”
He swallowed hard and said, “Alright. I’ll tell you, but not in here. Let’s go out to the kitchen and put some coffee on.”
As Raina started the coffee, Jake collected his thoughts and planned his approach.
She placed his coffee before him as she sat down with her own across from him.
“Now, will you please tell me? Jake, what’s going on?”
He told her that he didn’t know where to begin but then finally it all came pouring out. He reminded her how he loves her more than life itself. He told her that never once has he regretted marrying her. But….
“Raina, you are a terrific wife… in bed…. I mean. I have cherished our sex life from day one… but…”
“But….tell me Jake. Just tell me.”
“I want more”
“More? Jake I’ve rarely turned you down in all our years together.”
“I don’t mean quantity, Raina.”
Her heart fell. She knew if it wasn’t quantity he was after, it must be the quality. Her voice began to quiver as she realized…
Jake laughed “no no no that’s not what I mean. Sweetheart you are a fantastic lover. I mean more different… not more more.”
“More more? More different? What do you want?”
Suddenly Jake felt that shameful feeling again but he continued, “Raina it’s always the same. Same technique, same style, same time, same place, same way… every time. Don’t you ever want to ….ummm…. mix it up a little?”
Raina wasn’t sure where the words came from but answered Jake with, “Well…ummm… yes…ummm…. Okay. I have fantasies too!”
And that was all it took.
Jake raised an eyebrow, “oh, really? Tell me about them.”
Raina blushed but somehow knew that after all these years it was going to be okay if she told him the truth.
“Sometimes I think about what it would be like if you ummm… well…. Ummm… quit being so damn nice in the bedroom and used a little more ummmm…. dominance.”
“Dominance?”
Uh-oh. Raina felt her face flush.
“This is embarrassing to admit even to you, Jake, but all my life I’ve wanted a man who knows when to take charge.”
“Take charge?”
“Yes, take charge.”
“You mean like boss you around and stuff?”
“Well… maybe….”
“I see,” Jake said. “And I’m assuming you’re talking sexually, right?”
“Well .. yeah… I mean no one wants to be bossed around twenty four seven. You know how Chip is with Janet? I could never live like that.”
“Yeah he can be a real jerk. I could never treat you like that.”
“Good because that’s not even what I’m talking about… hey, isn’t this supposed to be about you?”
Jake was thoughtful for a minute and then asked, “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“Well, there have been times… a lot of times actually when I’ve wanted to do just that.”
“How so?”
“Well I’ve often wondered what it would be like to order you to the bedroom… to tell you to take all your clothes off and wait for me.”
“Okay, now you’re talking.”
“But Raina, you’re such a ‘good girl’ so I’ve never been able to be a ‘bad boy.’”
“Oh Jake, we’re married!! If we can’t be bad with each other, then who can we be bad with?”
Jake was thoughtful again. “Raina, we’ve come this far, I might as well tell you the rest of my fantasy.”
Raina teased, “There’s more? Should I be afraid?”
Jake got a twinkle in his eye and raised his eyebrow again. “Do you know what happens to bad girls?”
“I’m not sure what you think happens to them but I know what SHOULD happen to them.”
“So would you be willing to be a bad girl for me?”
“Only if you’re willing to show me what happens to girls when they’re bad.”
He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. With all the firmness he could manage at that moment he said, “Baby, bad girls get spanked.”
